Even the stupid customers can teach you something...
Did you know why people sometimes drink their hot coffee drinks with a straw? To keep the coffee from staining their teeth!
I know! I always thought they were dumb-asses who were just out to burn the back of their mouth instead of the front. I mean, how ridonkulous does it look to stick a giant green straw in your tall-sized mocha? But, thanks to my most moronic customer to date, I actually learned something.
Wait, I haven't told you about Ms. AnnoyingWench? Ms-I-bring-my-tiny-dog-that-looks-like-a-hairless-cat-into-Target-because-I-have-no-real-friends-who-will-shop-with-me? Ms-Over-nourished-and-under-showered-jerky-jerk? Ms-lets-see-if-I-can-blame-all-of-my-problems-and-issues-on-the-innocent-Starbucks-employee-today?
Yeah, so Ms. AnnoyingWench strolls in, with her scary hairless dog in the seat part of the cart, and her chip firmly attached to her shoulder. First up, she wants to know if we have any more tumblers. Well, there's lots on the shelves there, or gosh, see all those baskets right in front of you? With the cups inside? Those'd be tumblers too.
Well, then she was upset that all the Starbucks tumblers cost more than $10. (Ma'am, you're buying snobby coffee cups... if you want to spend $3.99 for a tumbler, head to Walmart.) She finally picks out one she wants. Then, Ms. AnnoyingWench proceeds to tell me her coffee order, which she prefaces by saying she's on a diet (good idea Ma'am). She orders a white mocha (one of the highest calorie drinks on the menu), made with half-n-half milk (more fat), with real caramel sauce mixed in (definitely encouraged on all diets), and then topped with more real caramel. But no whipped cream. Cuz, ya know, she's "on a diet." (I had to physically freeze my eyeballs in place to keep them from rolling back into my skull permanently.)
So, my boss is on the espresso bar, so she makes her drink for her (after Ms. AnnoyingWench yelled at me four times to rinse out her new tumbler, and "no, I don't want the stupid paper inside the cup, I don't care if it has the washing and usage instructions"...). So, we serve her her drink, she heads to the condiment bar to futz with it, and I think the hell is over. Ha!
Ms. AnnoyingWench starts pitching a high holy fit because she purchased a tumbler that has a lid without space for a straw. And she "never ever EVER drinks her coffee without a straw because you know, it STAINS your teeth"... (and I'm standing there trying not to think about the fact that stained teeth are the least of her worries). So what does she do? She violently slides the tumbler back across the counter at me and wants to exchange it for a different one. Which of course is more expensive than the original one she picked out, so I have to re-ring the whole transaction, my boss has to remake the "diet" drink, and she continues to stand there glaring at me, and bitching about how anyone would make a tumbler without a straw hole, and what kind of operation are you running here that you can't even do a return in three seconds or less, and...
At this point I had literally stepped out of my body and was simply going through the motions, lest I lose my shiznit and throw her goddamn tumbler at her ugly hairless dog. Ms. AnnoyingWench had now cost us an extra drink, a $15 tumbler (cuz we couldn't sell the original one she'd bought now that there had been a drink in it), and most of my sanity. Oh, and did I mention that the original ruined tumbler was our last Valentine's one? Wench.
When she FINALLY left the area, I gave my boss one look and walked into the back storage room to breath and blow for a second. My boss applauded my stunningly calm performance... and luckily, I've never seen Ms. AnnoyingWench at work since.
But the best part? Besides the fact that Ms. AnnoyingWench finally explained to me why some people use a straw to drink their hot coffee? My boss called her boss, and sent me home at the end of my shift with the ruined Valentine's Day tumbler!!!! (Washed, sanitized, bleached, and exorcised, of course.) And justice is done :)
