Located: Mom

Have no fear - the GPS locator my sister and I planted on our mother when we moved out has pinged, and she's not in Mexico.

Turns out the Queen Mum had the audacity to go out and have a life this past weekend! Scandalous, I know. Apparently, there was lawn mowing, birthday parties, and Walleye Weekend keeping her busy - and when she was at home, she was collapsed on the couch in a haze of school-year-ending-exhaustion. I guess she's forgiven.

Mystery solved.