Tuesday, August 19, 2008

"Mommy Mommy, I want a dog!"

This was the constant refrain in our apartment growing up.  Sister wanted a dog and pestered Mom night and day.  She pledged to take care of it, walk it, clean up the poop, etc., and eventually she wore Mom down.  Once we moved into a house, we promptly got a black lab (mutt) puppy who proceeded to eat socks, tear around the house in fits, steal hair scrunchies, drink out of the water bowl, bark insanely, jump on everyone who entered the house, climb onto the couch, scratch the carpet, and generally proclaim herself queen of the house - regardless of how anyone else felt about the situation.  Over the years, there have been threats to let the dog run away, let the dog run into traffic, shave the dog if she did not stop barking, and leave her on the back porch overnight in the dead of winter (oops - that was more an actuality than threat... relax, PETA, the damn dog was fine - it didn't even snow that night).  "Shut up, Ebony!" became as common in our house as "what's for dinner?" and "who left the light on in here!?" 

Every time another threat was issued, the reminder came up that Sister had wanted this dog, and she was going to do all the maintenance, and on and on, and yet somehow it was always Mom who had to deal with Queen Ebony's antics and oddities (such as, Ebs will only eat her food if someone threatens to steal it, and then stands there and watches her eat it).  So, it gives me great joy to report that some things never change --

Today, our beloved Ebony, in returning from the five day stay at the dog kennel while her inconsiderate family traveled cross-country, pooped in the front passenger seat of Mom's car... and then proceeded, not to vacate the front seat (because why would she give up shotgun?), but to try to step around the elephant-sized-poop-mound.  Unsuccessfully, she and Mom arrived home with Mom in a fit, and Ebony covered in poop.  The remainder of the morning was spent laughing at Mom attempting to scrub dog poop off the upholstery in her car, and spray enough Febreeze in the vehicle to create a visible hole in the ozone layer above our house.  Mind you, we had only gotten home at 1:30am, and all of this transpired before 9:00am...

By 9:15, Mom had left a voicemail on Sister's phone reminding her how "Mommy, Mommy, I want a dog" was going to go on her gravestone, as well as alerting Sister to the fact that there would be a large package arriving at her office within days (whether Mom was hinting at shipping the poop or the actual dog, we'll never know).  Lesson learned?  Before you sit, check for shit.


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