Dispatches from a Target

Our registering adventure continued today with a trip to Target, my home away from home. I have been looking forward to doing this since, umm, high school. No, I'm not super greedy, I just love Target, and I love the scanner gun. However, today's outing was a debacle from start to finish; I'm getting over self-diagnosed strep throat (Webmd, plus I used a flashlight to see if there were any white spots on my throat), and we were both tired and honestly, sick of shopping. But we had to get it done. So, I am going to hit the highlights and lowlights of our two and a half hour tour, from the bride's point of view. (NavyGuy will hopefully be contributing a guest post describing registering from the groom's perspective soon.)

~ We nearly came to blows eight seconds after we got in the store, as we waited in line at the customer service desk. NavyGuy pointed out the individual registry machines, and nudged me toward one, assuming we needed to start there. I blew him off, explaining that those machines were what guests used to print out registry lists, and duh, we needed to talk to the customer service girl to get a scanner gun. This debate rolled on until we got to the front of the line. Apparently, at THIS specific Target, you are supposed to go to the machines first... grrrr. I'm not the world's best loser, so I calmly walked (stomped) back over to the machines and get us registered.

~ Then while NavyGuy kindly went to get me a soda, a random old woman approached me as I stood near the front of the store, and inquired as to whether she was allowed to take her merchandise into the bathroom with her because "she really had to go." Now mind you, I know enough about Target to be mistaken for a high level company official, but hello lady - do I have a name tag on? No. Do I seem to be wearing a red shirt like many of the other people roaming around here? No. Good grief. (Was I this sassy to her? No. She was old and she really had to use the restroom so that seemed to be enough on her plate at that point.)

~ A seeing eye dog in training almost peed on my foot. (This whole trip involved a not-insignificant amount of Mountain Dew, hence many of these stories not-coincidentally involve the bathroom.) I left NavyGuy guarding the cart and the scanner gun while I hightailed it to the bathroom. Halfway down the aisle, there was this cute seeing eye dog that I wanted to stop and coo over, and next thing I know, I'm jumping back towards an end cap of towels because puppy is letting loose!

~ Heated discussions occurred over flannel sheets (I enjoy subtle patterns, NavyGuy believes them to be fascist); a toaster (I may or may not have made him keep mine in lieu of his when we moved, only to discover that two of the slots didn't work on mine... hence the need to register for another... hence the bringing up of the toaster debacle while in the housewares aisle); doormats (someone doesn't like them to say 'Welcome' because he's not sure he'd actually want to welcome every person who ends up on our doorstep); and a Dyson vacuum (what's wrong with a pink vacuum that supports breast cancer?!??! And why does he care anyway since I tend to do the vacuuming and I let him pick out the new toaster as a compromise!!!!)

There were phone conversations with both of our parents at various points in time, the bribe of a new Christmas CD in order to keep me from going awol, and two Mountain Dew fountain drinks. NavyGuy got a little punchy with the scanner and managed to register for two extra lamps and an ugly baby mobile. At one point, I managed to lodge the cart (and myself) between an aisle of coffee pots and a large piece of ladder machinery that the stockers use; a Target employee and NavyGuy had to lift the cart and maneuver to extract me. I was left alone with the scanner in the scrapbook aisle for ten minutes (someone needed another bathroom break), and managed to convince myself that I will need several scrapbooks to record the wedding memories (what do we think - justifiable registry item?). Oh, and we managed to run down the batteries on the scanner and had to return to the customer service desk to get a second scanner. Overall, the experience was painful, tempestuous, and riddled with bathroom breaks; god-willing, not an indicator of our future life together... :)

P.S. I do not hold Target responsible for any of the debacles. Except for maybe the cart mishap. (They really shouldn't leave those stocking machines out where the masses can get to them.) I still heart you Target!