Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Think Better Dummy Mind!

I happened to get up early this morning, intending to be uber productive. I was out of the shower by 8:20, and all toweled off when my phone rang.

Mugs: Hello?
Caller: Hi, this is the Anacortes District sub caller. Would you be willing to sub for a high school U.S. history class this morning. We're on a two hour delay (do NOT get me started on the absurdity of this), so you'd need to be there around 9:15.
Mugs: Sure! (Oh my god what am I doing?)
Caller: Great - thanks!

What follows is my stream of consciousness for the next ten minutes:

Okay, whew, thank goodness I showered, okay, breathe, be calm, it's all good, it's history, you can totally fake your way through this, thank god it wasn't calculus or physics or something totally nasty, this way you can always play the what day in history is it game or something, crap nuggets, what was that filler activity mom was talking about the other day? Oh, yeah, how many words can you make from the word Christmas, okay, that'll be the backup plan in case the plans the teacher left are useless, jeez unless there's some politically correct kid who freaks out and we have to use Kwanzaa and Haunauka too, which would really suck cuz I don't know how to spell Jewish Christmas, plus I think there's a spelling of it with a C, yikes, focus, okay, what are you going to wear, rat farts, why didn't I actually do the Jillian Michaels DVD more often so I'd lose a few pounds and be able to fit into my favorite dress pants, cuz they still don't quite button right and I'll die if the pants split on my first day as a sub and I'll forevermore be known by some horrific nickname, so maybe instead I can wear the new dress I got, or is that trying to hard? plus it is kind of cold, and I'm not sure which shoes work with that, and I have no clue if I have nylons that don't have any runs. Okay, maybe these pants, but wait, what do major athletes do before a big competition, they carb up, I need to pack a lunch - agh! All we have is leftover chili and frozen dinners which were fine at my old job because I knew we had access to a microwave, but I can't guarantee that here, so I better take something else, okay, carbs, Cheerios! And a granola bar, that should get me through the day, maybe I'll buy something at the cafeteria too, and my good water bottle is in the car, okay, we're good to go there, now I need to pack my bag, what should I take, oooo, I wish I had taken the time to put together a sub folder so I'd be prepared, bah, I'll take the packet they gave me at the district office and my grad school book to read in case it's a video day, now hair, makeup, okay, plug in straightener, get blowdryer going, now what else does Michael Phelps do before a big race? carb up and visualize - yes, I can do that, okay, breathe breathe, you're going to take your bag, and you're going to get in the car, and drive up to the high school, it's on K street...

OH MY GOD - NAVYGUY HAS THE ONLY CAR THAT I CAN DRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What have we learned?
1. The sub caller lady is very understanding, and only thinks I'm moderately insane for calling her back 10 minutes after I accepted a job, to unaccept a job. She even chuckled when I explained the situation - thank goodness!
2. Mugs needs to get over her fear of killing someone/breaking NavyGuy's car, and learn to drive a stick shift.
3. At my ripe old age of 26, I clearly need to begin some brain/memory exercises, because if you read closely, you'll noticed I thought about the fact that my good waterbottle was in the CAR, but not until five minutes later did it dawn on me that the car was in fact at the Navy base, and not in our driveway. Sigh.

So, my employment with the Anacortes School District as a substitute teacher is off to a roaring good start...

P.S. Perhaps a family member in the know will share the story behind the title to this post.


Cole December 16, 2008 at 9:11 AM  

Wow, all that in only 4 sentences.

Stick isn't too hard...NG almost got me killed while he was learning. And not in that friendly over exaggerating we're all gunna die sort of way but more like the stalling out on the on ramp to the interstate while almost bursting into flames we're all gunna die. What?! wait maybe a little friendly exaggeration. I had 3 seat belts on and it wasn't enough, for reals.

ebs handler December 16, 2008 at 3:23 PM  

Oh, the many possibilities with this post. Let's just say I'll be putting gingko biloba in your stocking next week. Yes, you made me chuckle with the title. Thanks for the trip down memory lane. ( I may be able to still find that "dumb" sweater in one of the boxes downstairs.)

historygirlie December 16, 2008 at 4:18 PM  

What a frustrating morning. Ihave them quite regularly.

My one question, however: how is getting out of the shower at 8:20 AM considered being up early to be uber-productive??? Lazy Fart. :)

Just so you know, I was well WELL into a lecture concerning the early Cold War by 8:20. And was introducing some primary document readings. Joy Joy.

Tomorrow: they read Kennan! Bwahahaha! (evil laugh)

I'm just teasing about the time. I think it comes from jealousy.

Rearden December 17, 2008 at 8:42 PM  

First, Cole, we were no where near dying, just near destroying the engine to that old 80's vintage 2-door escort with no clutch to speak of on the on-ramp to I-94 at 6000 rpms. But yes, I do remember you screaming at me from the back seat with all three seatbelts somehow wrapped around you.

Besides, I TRIED to teach her but she was totally untrainable.

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