Navy Briefing of the Week: Carrier Safety

We're resurrecting the Navy knowledge of the week! Starting this week, we'll be focusing on aircraft carriers... because NavyGuy is headed out to the U.S.S. Truman for two weeks of training. He's tickled pink to get to fly and be out on the boat; I'm less than thrilled that he'll be gone, but such is the Navy life.

First up, we'll start with the worst case scenarios... how NavyGuy could perish on the boat. Yes, this was an actual briefing he got this week. The information is so ridiculous / horrifying that you just have to laugh (or you'd start crying and never stop). So without further ado...

(Just so you have a point of reference.)

1. Don't fall off the boat. That deck you see in the photo is approximately 60 feet above the water. If you walk off the edge, you will do a belly flop of epic proportions. It will hurt. Allegedly there's a small lip around the edge of the deck, but I highly doubt that would do much except create more chance you'd trip.

2. Don't fall down one of the holes. There are holes in the deck that are typically covered (like a sewer); if someone forgets to cover one though, you run the risk of falling down the hole.

3. Don't drive the airplane off the edge. If the pilot misses the wire that's supposed to catch the plane when they're landing on the flight deck, the pilot is trained to immediately take off again and come back around for another attempt. However, if the arresting gear "sorta" catches the plane, the pilot may not be able to speed up enough to take off again, and the plane will go off the end of the deck. Landing in the water. Bad.

4. Don't walk into turning propeller blades. (Apparently they're hard to see at night.) You'll become "fish bits." (It's just what you think it is.)

5. Don't eject underneath something. When you eject from the airplane, you go flying high up into the air. If you happen to accidentally eject while the plane is parked or taxiing underneath something (like the tower structure on the deck), you'll be squished.

6. Don't get sucked into a jet intake. Think of the scene from The Incredibles where the superhero with the cape gets sucked into the round hole where the air goes in. Bad.

7. Don't fall off the airplane. By the time you climb up into the plane, you're a good 20 feet up in the air; slip on the way up and you're gonna get a serious bruise (if not worse).

8. Don't fall off the airplane into the water. Many of the planes will be parked on the flight deck in such a way that the front portion of the plane is actually hanging off the edge... so again, one slip, and you could end up in the drink.

There are probably more, but apparently these were the most important ones stressed to NavyGuy at his meeting. What's obviously the most worrisome about this, is that 1) they have a full fledged meeting to warn the guys about all of these potential death traps because 2) you know each of these incidents have happened at least once before...

NavyGuy assures me he's going to be "super careful" while on the carrier, but this is a man I've seen fall off a bed, trip over his own feet, and occasionally lose his balance while sitting in a chair. I'm trying to figure out a way to stuff his flight suit with packing peanuts and require him to wear a life preserver at all times...