Nature Fights Back

First, deer strolled across our yard and driveway like they owned the place. Then, a crazy bird divebombed my bedroom window while I was innocently watching TV, and managed to reduce my lifespan by a good four years.

And last night, weird howling and yipping kept me up way past my bedtime.

Nature - I will never love you! You tried to be nice initially, and now you've switched to tough love tactics. It will not sway me! I cannot be blackmailed into saying I am outdoorsy!

Seriously, this was the conversation as NavyGuy and I tried to fall asleep last night:

Setting: A dark and spooky night. Loud howling and yipping can be heard cutting through the dark.

Mugs: Do you hear that?

NavyGuy: Yeah.

Mugs: What is it?

NG: It sort of sounds like a coyote.

M: I'm sorry - a what?

NG: A "cay-oht."

M: You mean, a coyot-E (as in Wiley the Coyote).

NG: Whatever. Yes, that's sort of what it sounds like.

M: You have GOT to be kidding me! Coyotes! In my backyard! Why did you force me to live in the woods?!

NG: Mugs, I heard them every night when I was at survival training. They're just scavengers.

M: Yeah, they'll probably scavenge my cute pumpkins on the front porch.

NG: There is no way they will come that close to the house.

M: Still, yuck. Now I have another thing to add to my list of ways I'm afraid I'll die here.

NG: Coyotes are harmless!

M: Nothing's harmless.

NG: Mugs, they're like dogs.

M: Are you insane! They're not like dogs! Dogs are like dogs - coyotes are like vicious killers!

NG: I'm going to sleep now. You make my head hurt.


I was kept away by the cute, dog-like beasts in the nearby woods another half an hour. I swear they were talking to one another, plotting how to make me pay for harping on the outdoors.


You may have won this battle, but the war's not over. I know you're out there coyotes. I know you're out there...