Monday, September 1, 2008

My Hurricane Experience

3:45 am Awake to earth-rattling thunder.

3:46am Poke NavyGuy between the ribs to see if he'd heard the storm and was awake.

3:47am Debate whether hurricanes contain thunder and lightning.

3:49am Lose argument over hurricane components.

3:50am Debate merits of my 8th grade science class.

3:52am Decide my 8th grade science class - while providing me with ample information on creating a Hypercard project about the prehistoric eras - did not in fact teach me much science.

4:00am Ask NavyGuy if he's still awake.

4:10am Navigate around piles of boxes, furniture, and assorted junk to retrieve a Kleenex.

4:11am Stub my toe. Yelp.

4:15am Hear ferocious wind and pelting monsoon rain against our windows.

4:20am All storm conditions pause long enough for me to nearly get back to sleep...

4:25am Fooled ya! And the rain bands are back.

4:26am NavyGuy checks weather online.

4:27am Ponder how I can get on the committee that names the Hurricanes.

4:28am Decide I can't fall back asleep and stumble to the spare room to read my book.

4:30am Power blips for a second, but returns.

4:35am NavyGuy moseys into spare room looking disheveled.

4:36am Debate over my returning to bed instead of reading.

4:37am Won debate.

4:40am Feel guilty about winning debate and decide to return to bedroom at the next howling wind incident.

4:42am Neglect to turn on any lights during return trip to bedroom.

4:43am Successfully navigate around couch only to spot a ghost/intruder in our kitchen.

4:44am Shriek like a banshee.

4:44am Crash into piles of suitcases.

4:44am Scream even louder when NavyGuy bursts through the bedroom door into the kitchen expecting to encounter a serious accident or fatal kerfuffle.

4:45am Discover ghost/intruder was a roll of paper towels on the kitchen counter.

4:45am NavyGuy escorts me (security bouncer style) back to bed.

4:46am Discovery that NavyGuy had been in the bathroom when I screamed.

4:46am Decision that I will shriek like that anytime I need him to come from a different room to empty a trash can or reach something on a high shelf.

4:47am Discussion concerning his ability to save me from a real intruder.

4:47am NavyGuy recounts earlier dream in which he attempted to save me from a tornado, but failed to pull me under the bed in time and I flew away with the house.

4:48am Discussion concerning a suitable tornado shelter in our un-basemented house.

4:48am Decision on tornado shelter - walk in closet.

4:49am More rain and howling (wind, not me).

4:55am Am asked to stop flopping around in bed like a dead fish.

5:00am Ponder outloud why hurricanes swirl the way they do.

5:01am Pretend to listen to NavyGuy's meteorology explanation concerning hurricane anatomy.

5:05am Commence labored snoring noises in attempt to end the 8th grade science lesson.

5:06am Am told that if I don't want to know the answer to a question, I shouldn't ask it in the first place.

5:10am Am told if I don't stop flopping around in bed like a dead fish my TiVo will be unhooked before The Hills can be recorded.

5:11am Try to think of adequate punishment to counter NavyGuy's threat.

5:12am Realize he loves nothing as much as I love TV.

5:13am Resort to childish lower lip pout to protect my TiVo.

5:14am Count the number of hours we will still be living in Pensacola.

5:15am Ask NavyGuy if he's still awake.

5:16am Another band of rain and wind.

5:17am Loud bang in the backyard.

5:18am Debate over investigating said bang.

5:19am NavyGuy returns to bedroom (bang was grill tipping over).

5:25am Brainstorm better "G" names for the storm (Gus, Gerald, Geoff).

5:30am Am given a backrub in an attempt to lull me to sleep (or if nothing else, shut me up).

5:46am Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

5:47am Rain and wind return...

Of course, I can't vouch for those last couple, but according to NavyGuy the storm lessened around 5:45 and we both finally fell back asleep, having survived our first (and hopefully only) hurricane experience.

The movers arrive tomorrow morning to load all of our belongings on the truck. If things are going swimmingly, I'll be posting lots of backlogged events; if you don't see much posting activity - assume the worst.


Beer Widow September 2, 2008 at 9:20 AM  

OMG. Just get in the car and start driving. No more ranting, no more insanity. Just go. And when you get to the CA/OR border, call me, and I will kidnap you. We don't really do "natural disasters" here. You'll be safe with the Sketches. Obviously NavyGuy can't protect you the way your roomy with gorgeous, almost lesbi-strong arms can.

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