Premptive Strikes

My inner B@#$% tends to come out when I travel by air... so clearing the air ahead of time may be the most efficient route to go...


Dear Random Driver on I-5,

I deeply apologize for NavyGuy's behavior this morning. He doesn't do well before seven a.m., and he does particularly poorly in cars at that time of day. Sometimes he operates under the delusion that the roads are his, and other drivers mere annoyances sent to bother him. I hope you didn't find it too upsetting when he zoomed past you on the way to the Seattle airport, pressing his face to the window, banging on the steering wheel, and screaming like a banshee. I would have interceded, but I was probably snoozing.

Sincerely,
NavyGal


Dear TSA dude,

Please accept this letter as both an apology and peace offering. Perhaps you've been trained to suspect twenty-something, brunette, white girls with Wisconsin accents as likely terrorists, and that is why you felt the need to empty my entire carry-on suitcase because I forgot to remove one tube of chapstick. Or perhaps you just decided to exact a wee bit of retribution after I glared at you for making fun of the photo on my new Washington state driver's license. Regardless of who's to blame, let's both agree to move past today's unpleasant encounter, and avoid each other whenever possible in the future.

I'm sorry I mumbled mean things about you under my breath. I'm also sorry I didn't return the little grey bucket to the pile at the end of the conveyor belt. (But I still hold that that is your job, not mine.)

Sincerely,
NavyGal


Dear Starbucks Customer Ahead of Me in Line,

If you don't know what you want - DON'T GET IN LINE UNTIL YOU DO!

Enjoy your blueberry scone.

Sincerely,
NavyGal


Dear Flight Seatmate,

I'm not sure the etiquette in your neck of the woods, but here in SocialGrace Land, when a person puts earbuds in their ears, and motions that they are turning on their iPod, that generally means you should find someone else to talk to. Is it my fault that you brought nothing on the airplane with which to occupy yourself? No, sir, it is not. You could have brought a book. You could have brought one of those little DVD players that NavyGuy says are a waste for people who already have laptops, and therefore won't let me buy. You could just flip through the Sky Mall magazine and debate whether you want a pet staircase or lawn aerator shoes. But trying to engage me in a conversation about who is the better contestant on American Idol, is not how we are going to spend these 3 hours, 52 minutes.

Have a pleasant flight.

Best Wishes,
NavyGal


Dear Cranky Flight Attendant,

I have to pee. There are 14 people in line for the one bathroom in coach, and exactly no one in line for the first class bathroom. I'm peeing in first class. Deal.

Also, could I get another bag of pretzels? Thanks.

Sincerely,
NavyGal


Dear Mom,

Despite having picked me up from the airport more times than one can count (which I do love and appreciate), you always seem surprised that I spend the entire time waiting for my checked luggage, reciting every person from my day of travels that either irritated me or who should be denied a breeding license. Don't worry - you raised me right, and cannot be blamed for this character flaw. I promise I'll stop ranting by the time we get out of the airport parking structure. Unless the parking attendant is stupid. Then all bets are off.

I'm back!
NavyGal


As you read this, I'm suffering through air travel in the United States. Be a sweetie and leave me a funny comment that I can check on my Blackberry (and thus have another reason to escape the talkative seatmate...)